Thursday, August 27, 2009

am I same as world? or I am worse of it

Most often I think world is a bad place to live and peoples are really bad. Then in silence with just me, I reconsider. I find some things which come to my mind most often but I neglect them. Then I peek on them. What does these mean? OR does they mean at all? YES, they do.
What I see or I feel is what I am myself. I am myself the same as the world I wonder at, OR to accept the truth I am the worse part of it.
One of the some examples from my last few days that are stretching my mind is Maaz. I saw a movie trailer shared by him on FaceBook in Ramzan. I felt really bad. I asked him to remove it and not do this again and avoid himself watching this stuff in Ramzan. Wait a minute. It was from movie Wake Up Sid featuring Ranbir Kapoor and Konkona Sen Sharma (amazing I remember the names, though I am not good at this). I am at home away from my DSL connection at hostel. What if I had been there? I did not saw it here as my poor PTCL Vfone cannot stream it but if I had been there, I might have seen this, I guess at least as I currently have plans to surely watch it afterwards.
Am I the same as world? No, I am the worse part of it. I got two faces.
There are few students in my class, who accompany teachers to their offices after the class and are also found often visiting them simply to create a good image and get extra marks. I tease them and make fun of them. Wait a minute. Don’t I do so? No, I never did so but in a sense I do it. Always sitting at front desk, raising hand first of all when teacher asks a question, always doing homework neat & clean order and above all trying to be an active and interactive student in class. There might be hardly any teacher, I am not free with. Am I not always trying to create a good image and get better marks?
Am I the same as world? No, I am the worse part of it. I am double faced.
Everyone makes mistake in one’s life and then justifies it. Some justify by lies, some by lame excuses. They all are story-tellers. I hate those guys. Whenever I find anyone doing this, it is most probable that I’ll go to the person they are trying to deceive and tell him the truth. Or at least tell that story-teller that he is not doing good and he’ll suffer one day for that. Wait a minute. Am I not myself a story-teller? Except Maaz and Ahsin, there is hardly anyone, I have not made a story. Yes it is true. I am so good a story-teller that no one ever comes to know it is a story unless I tell someone myself. Teachers, friends, cousins, others all lie in same category for me. Whenever I want something to happen or not to happen, I make a story.
Am I the same as world? No, I am the worse part of it. I am just me.
[a story removed]
It is a bitter truth to accept but not more than one lies ahead.
Am I ever going to change myself? Answer is a big and clean NO. Yes, it’s true; I am not at all ready to change myself. Whatever I do, I get benefit from: A good image, better marks, inner satisfaction and many others. So why do I change myself. I see no reason to give up to the idea.
I am what I am and I want to be what I am. I am MY FAVORITE after all.
May be I not see the movie trailer (not so favorite actors, also I lack time when at hostel). I am a good student after all (I do my homework neat and clean, always study hard, active in class as I ask questions about lecture, free with teachers as I respect and obey them and I am a good one out of class). My stories never ever brought harm to anyone as far as I know or remember. I did so when I failed to do something in time and needed more to do so but I finished the task in the end.
See, I can easily justify myself. That is why I am MY FAVORITE. I have a good reason for everything I do.
MORAL: I am not as bad as I think I am. (May be more than that)

Monday, August 24, 2009

My First Blog

I am Taha Bin Yahya, writing my first ever blog.
Writing: the most tedious job in the world, at least for me. But I am still doing it.
Do not know why, but still doing.
Have no idea about what to write, but still writing.
Do not know writing what, but still writing.
I have never, in my life, written such a thing. Never, I planned so.
I cannot believe I am doing this.
Laptop on top of lap; my fingers are doing what they are not supposed to.
I do not want to write but still I am…..
What am I writing? No answer I do have.
Still writing…..
Why am I writing? It does not matter. Or it may…
Today I decided to keep a note of my thoughts and ideas. Though useless for the cold world, but they matter to me.
They are my thoughts and they have a full right to bother me time to time and often when I have no time, they do so.
But I am not angry. They are mine and I feel like my duty to preserve them.
A diary, Nah.
Scattered papers, Never.
Yellow tags, Nup.
Side space of my books, seems reasonable.
Still no idea, still lost in thoughts, is my mind so dull to not even think about a handsome place to keep my tiny thoughts?
Is there no space in the BIG WORLD for them?
No. They are mine and I feel like my duty to preserve them and I will.
Thought about a blog. Am I out of my wits? Do I look MAD? Yes a bit….
WHAT: Okay, discuss that later. First think about space.
Any other possible place. Not in sight.
Okay then start with a Blog. I will keep my entire mind here. In this dark and lonely place. Hard for me to bear, but still I have to do this.
Sorry, I couldn’t do better for you. But I promise, I will never leave you alone. I will be here after and after, till I end myself up.
I am getting late. I have to leave. But I will come back. Wait till then.